rings and jewels

I've been an avid reader of emerson ever since I read self reliance. it showed me the power of word combinations. it gave me person worth. it was an open window in a closed room.

I've read many more of his writings since then. each good, but unavoidably compared to my first read. he's robbed himself with shadows by creating such a solid work.

I sit here now. done with school for the day. putting off homework and other check boxes. I found a little moleskin book I have tucked in my bible.

"rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only true gift is a portion of thyself."
-ralph waldo emerson

things I don't normally do

I did a photo shoot. I got a 100% on my physics test. I auditioned for a movie. I started my paper early. I don't mind hanging out tonight. I woke up rested. I listened to the rolling stones. I stopped walking to watch a bird. I fell asleep in the testing center. I didn't yell at the dude that cut me off. I listened to your message. I watched an R rated movie. I waited for you. I wrote down my lyrics. I said no. I feel asleep in the movie theater. I heard an angel. I don't feel alone. I didn't comb my hair. I wrote you a note.

I'm coming to the realization of how little I know. Everything changes and rearranges itself as if it were always that way.



We are currently living in a society that is blind by choice. If we would merely open our eyes and see reality for what it really is. This twisting of the kaleidescope, and prescription of 3-D lens is messing us up.
Well that's all about to change. Denial will no longer be an option. Ignorance is no longer our uncle. Facades are no loner coming over for dinner.
So the choice has come. Buy in to be broke. or accept life for what it is. as the good it is and as it will continue to be.
The only promises you can control are those you make.
I choose reality. that which I control.

she's my favorite

come back

sometimes I feel lost. like totally and completely lost. no sense of direction. no general feel for where I was or going. similar to the feeling you get when you've been comfortably sitting for an extended period of time, then something causes you to move.
Finding yourself in a new position that isn't nearly as accommodating. You try to go back to your original stance but you just can't seem to find it. you look at your hands and part feels warm and the other has a strange design on it from the chair's old covering. but you can't put the pieces back no matter how hard or on much time you waste. was my arm here? where did my leg go? was I chewing my pencil?

even if I could find that position again it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be natural. It would be some force of my brain putting pieces together then telling my body to go back in time and forget the whole mess ever happened.


for me comfort is found only when I lose it.

sometimes I feel buddist

Ted.com is a favorite of mine. It's one of those sites you don't feel super bad for spending two hours on [unlike the classic horror film sites I love]. I have too many favorite talks to put them all on here, but ze frank is for sure at the top.
I know it's a little long, but it's so worth it.



if you liked this check out his website at zefrank.com.

I also liked a talk on Ted called 4am. look it up.

who knows

I'm not sure why I started this whole thing. The idea was planted by my friend dusty. It could be a passing phase. I tend to do that. Perhaps it will be one of those things that spurs other things. But it just seems like some weird perversion of showing yourself to strangers. no? like some vindication or something. I don't understand it yet [watch me start blogging like twice a day]. it's not like I don't have more than enough to do that I'm not doing already.



who knows if I'll even keep this.